tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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