My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
