Tell her she can't have a vagina
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
