i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
