I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
