just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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