I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
