if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
