my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
