so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
