i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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