somebody snuck up and got me drunk
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
