Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
