we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
