Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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