i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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