none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
