She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
