I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
