I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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