i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
