she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
