Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize