He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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