Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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