i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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