Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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