Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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