I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
