Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
