also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
