You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
