I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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