My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
