I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
