You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
