After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
