Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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