Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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