Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
