You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
