6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
