I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Non-Jews are for practice
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
