the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
