Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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