Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
