Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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