wanna go halves on a baby?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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