And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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