I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
