I'm lost and stupid without you.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
