I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
