I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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