Your mouth is God's brothel.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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