I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
