my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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