am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
