Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
