how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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