i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
