yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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