Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
