Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
