he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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