We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
areolas are like halos for boobs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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