Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
