singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
