It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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