Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
