Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
