Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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