And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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