I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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